The faith to try

These are the lamentations of an unsure music major:

Change is hard.

I feel overwhelmed by the upcoming semester. I feel like I don't know anything, that I'm not good at anything, and that's causing me to panic. It's not very fun.

We talked about talents today in Relief Society, and one of the ladies said something profound. She said, "Anything we do that we can develop is a talent." 

Anything we DO. NOT anything we DO WELL. I feel like I do not do most music major things WELL. But I DO them. And I can DEVELOP them. My whole life will be smothered under a terrible feeling of inadequacy if I continue to believe that I am a sub-par musician and a sub-par music major. I am not perfect. I should not expect to be. I may never be a prodigy. In fact, it's very likely that I will never become an earth-shatteringly good horn player, or pianist, or whatever. I simply don't have the desire to devote that much time and pain and effort to perfecting that craft.

BUT.

I have to believe that I can become competent in my chosen field. That I have a talent for music education--not because I do it well, but because I DO IT. I do it, and by golly I can develop it. Yes, I know very very little about it, and most of what I have learned I've forgotten over the summer. Yes, I will make a great many mistakes, and they will hurt and embarrass me and make me want to cry and sink into the ground. 

But mistakes are proof that you are trying. And if there is one thing I can be good at, it's trying. And if that is all I do this semester--if all I manage to do is try--that will be no small thing. That, in many ways, will be a great victory. Because I have a talent for music education. And I will try.