So much for normal…

I've really been missing my Nauvoo family lately. I see a few of the sisters who go to BYU off and on during the week, and although those are definitely bright spots in my day, I miss seeing everyone all together. It feels like a part of me is missing. I spent every waking moment with those people for three and a half months. Even more than that, I spent every moment with at least two other people--awake, asleep, eating, reading, you name it we were together. Especially Sister Lieber. We were companions for the entire summer, so she was never more than a holler away. I don't think you can really understand what my feelings are until you spend an extended period of time serving with the same people day in and day out. It's like missing your shadow, or a piece of your soul. We, as a band, were bound together first by a common mission, then by blossoming friendship, and now by love. I love those people with all of my heart--they changed my life and lifted me to heights I didn't know existed. They are my brothers and sisters in every sense of the word except having the same set of biological parents (instead we have the Blackintons). Oh how I miss them.

Sister Reid wrote this song for our band reunion a few weeks after we got back from Nauvoo. Her songs were the other constant music this summer, so I think it's fitting that she can give voice to my feelings tonight:

Nauvoo Jones
By Sister Noelle Reid

Now we're home,
Back from whence we came.
But now I'm home,
Things don't seem the same.
Not only are you always on my mind,
But there are some things Nauvoo left behind:

I'm feeling for my tag,
Backing my car,
Wond'ring where my bloomers are.
Now I jump when I hear a phone.
So much for normal, I've got the Nauvoo Jones.

I take Sister Mom when I go to the store.
It seems that I can't be alone anymore.
I sing "Hello, everybody!" when a piano starts to play.
Will my chigger bites ever go away?

I'm feeling for my tag,
Backing my car,
Wond'ring where my bloomers are.
Now I jump when I hear a phone.
So much for normal, I've got the Nauvoo Jones.

I use foul in everything I say.
I miss my vest, to my own dismay.
Boys scare me now and puns do too,
And all my stories start with "one time in Nauvoo"

When I was wearing my tag, and backing the van.
Days never went according to plan,
But I had my companion; I was never alone,
Now I'm back, but am I really home?

Because I'm feeling for my tag, and backing my car,
Wond'ring where the heck my sisters are.
Now I jump when I hear a phone.
So much for normal, I've got the Nauvoo Jones.
So much for normal, I've got the Nauvoo Jones!

I love you.

Life is beautiful

Today I was studying for my D&C class, and I came to understand something that my teacher has been telling the class all along. Brother Perkins really stresses studying not to get an A in the class, but to receive personal revelation. From day one he has been emphasizing the steps we need to take to receive guidance from the scriptures. Today I was doing my assigned reading in D&C 76, where it talks about the celestial kingdom. And for the first time, I really understood how guidance from the scriptures works. Even though I was reading about the celestial kingdom, I learned things that applied exactly to my life and my struggles, and I gained insight on how to overcome them. And you know, even though I got exactly the answer I was seeking, it was something that I didn't think had any relation to my problems at all. I guess that shows how much I understand about how spiritual and temporal things relate. I'm still working to overcome the mindset that spiritual and temporal things are separate. I don't know exactly when or where I acquired that thought process, but it is kind of a pain sometimes. It's a roadblock to understanding. But when I can get beyond that and start making connections between spiritual principles and temporal situations, I am awed by the magnificence of this gospel and how intimately it applies to every aspect of my life. Today my scripture study buoyed me up and made me excited to go forward and tackle life, with all its attendant joys and problems. This is a wonderful, beautiful world and I am going to go make the most of it!

A theory about life

So, I have this theory about life I like to call the balance theory. It seems to me that life is, in essence, a very delicate balancing act. Consider life as a long tightrope. We have to walk along the tightrope--keep progressing and moving forward--or else we'll fall off (and I suppose you'd die when that happens). Meanwhile, we have to survive all the things in our lives that pull us in different directions. We have to find the happy medium between spending all our time on homework or school and spending all our time on pleasure. We have to strike the balance of giving enough of ourselves to school, church, work, family, friends, the community, and to ourselves to feel like we are doing what we ought to be doing, but not giving so much that we burn out. Now add to that tricky tightrope walk the many obligations that we have to juggle--all the deadlines and meetings and the burden of an overly full schedule. That seems hard enough, doesn't it? We have to walk, balance, and juggle at the same time. I suppose you could eventually master that if given a long enough amount of time and a set number of things to keep in the air. But life just isn't like that. Life refuses to calm down long enough for you to get a handle on things and become competent at handling the different pulls on you. Instead, it varies the size, weight, and number of the forces tugging on you and the things you are tossing in the air--and when it's feeling especially perverse, it will throw in a few flaming batons of crisis and snicker as you try not to get fried.

The point of this post (besides expounding on a theory that I'm afraid might actually be a universal law) is that I am having the hardest time figuring out how walk this tightrope of life--I can't seem to find time to do homework, exercise, study my scriptures, sleep, take care of the hundred tiny bits of housekeeping that always need to be done, find a job, practice, and have a little time for personal fulfillment all in one day. Something always seems to get slighted or left out entirely. Apparently I'm supposed to be able to fit everything that is needful into one day, but it never seems to happen. It's frustrating. I know my physical balance leaves something to be desired, but it's much more irritating to be unable to keep my life in balance no matter how hard I try. Bother it all. I want to go back to Nauvoo. Life was much simpler there.